Some really cool but NSFW jokes which got me crazy!

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You may wonder what I am upto, but I really felt like sharing these one’s with you. These have nothing to do with my technology-niche blog, but I am sure you will have a good laugh. But just a small request, Please don’t share it with someone who is not an Adult. They are strictly NSFW jokes!

Geography in a Woman

Between 18 and 20 a woman is like Africa, half discovered, half wild, naturally beautiful with fertile deltas.

Between 21 and 30 a woman is like America, well developed and open to trade especially for someone with cash.

Between 31 and 35 she is like India, very hot, relaxed and convinced of her own beauty.

Between 36 and 40 a woman is like France. Gently aging but still a warm and desirable place to visit.

Between 41 and 50 she is like Yugoslavia, lost the war – haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now necessary.

Between 51 and 60, she is like Russia, very wide and borders are unpatrolled. The frigid climate keeps people away.

Between 61 and 70, a woman is like Mongolia, with a glorious and all conquering past but alas, no future.

After 70, they become Afghanistan. Everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there!

The Engineering brains

Three friends boarded a crowded bus. Some how, they sneaked their way to the centre of the bus.

They stopped besides a seat which was occupied by three very attractive girls.

The girls offered them their seat on one condition that they(girls) will sit on their(men) laps after having the seat.

The men readily agreed to the condition and had the seat and the girls on their lap as well.

After some time one girl said to the man on whose lap she was sitting,

“Are you an electrical engineer?”. The man was surprised and replied,

“Yes but how did you know that?”

The girl replied, “I am receiving shocks from your solder gun.”

After some time, the second girl asked the man on whose lap she was sitting, “Are you a mechanical engineer?”

The man was also surprised and replied “Yes, but how did you know that?”

To that the girl replied “your piston’s trying to slide into my cylinder.”

After some time the third girl asked her man if he was a civil engineer.

The man was also surprised and asked her how she knew that.

The girl replied, “Your dam has broken and flooded my village.”

Honeymoon Questionnaire

The newly-wed couple comes back from the honeymoon.

A friend asks the groom: “Did you enjoy ‘the whole thing‘?”

The groom answers: “Yes, I enjoyed the ‘hole‘ and she enjoyed the ‘thing‘ !!’

Mathematician’s letter to his wife

“Dear Wife: You must realize that you are 54 years old, and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching assistant. I’ll be home before midnight.
-Your Husband”

When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:

“Dear Husband: You, too, are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with the 18- year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can easily appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18. Don’t wait up.”

Bathroom Manners

During a good manners and etiquette class being held for young children, the teacher says to her students:

“If you were courting a well educated young girl from a prominent family and during a dinner for two you needed to go to the toilet, what would you say to her?”

Mike replies: “Wait a minute, I’m going for a piss.”

The teacher says: “That would be very rude and improper on your part.”

Charlie replies: “I’m sorry I need to go to the toilet, I’ll be back in a minute.”

The teacher says: “That’s much better but to mention the word “toilet” during a meal, is unpleasant.”

And Little Johnny says: “My dear, please excuse me for a moment. I have to go shake hands with a personal friend, whom, I hope to be able to introduce to you after dinner.”

Honeymoon moments

Two newly-weds went to their honeymoon and were getting undressed together for the first time.

He took off his shoes and socks and his toes were all twisted and discoloured.

“What happened to your feet?” his wife asked.

“I had a childhood disease called tolio.”

“Don’t you mean polio?”

“No, tolio. It only affects the toes.”

He then removed his pants and revealed an awful looking pair of knees.

“What happened to your knees?” she asked.

“Well, I also had kneesles.”

“Don’t you mean measles?”

“No, kneesles. It only effects the knees.”

When he removed his underpants his wife gasped and said, “Now Don’t tell me that you also had smallcox!”

Does heart have Legs?

One fine day at school, the teacher was teaching about the heart.

After she had finished she said, “If any one has any doubts about what I have taught please ask.”

Little Johnny stands up and asks, “Teacher, does the heart have legs?”

She replies, “no it doesn’t. What makes you ask such a question?”

He says “Last night when I went into my parents bedroom I over heard my dad saying SWEET HEART spread your LEGS”

Before getting drunk!

After noticing a beautiful young blonde sitting on her own in a pub, a sophisticated young man confidently strolled over to the table where she was sat and said: “What can I get you, gorgeous?”

The woman blushed and replied: “If you’re sure you don’t mind, I’ll have a large strong one, please.”

The man smiled, casually leaned over the table, and whispered into the woman’s ear: “Would that be before or after I’ve got the drinks?”

Some dirty Riddles

Q: What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid?
A: Coconut

Q: What goes in hard and pink then comes out soft and sticky?
A: Bubble Gum

Q: A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you’re bored. The best man always has me first!
A: Wedding Ring

Q: What word starts with a ‘F’ and ends in ‘K’ that means lot of heat and excitement?
A: Firetruck

Q: What is it that all men have one of it’s longer on some men than on others, the pope doesn’t use his and a man gives it to his wife after they’re married?
A: SURNAME

Q: What part of the man has no bone but has muscles, has lots of veins, like pumping, & is responsible for making love ?
A: HEART

I think this much is enough for the day. I got these from a private collection of my friend. Now tell me, how did you like these? If you want some more than do let me know in comments!

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